"I am the shy girl At the party The one who smiles And gingerly holds the brimming red cup But is..."

“

I am the shy girl

At the party

The one who smiles

And gingerly holds

the brimming red cup

But is careful not to drink

Because mommy always warned

Of what the troubled boys do

To the girls with the tight skirts

Who didn’t know

or care

About how much

They could handle

And I’m the girl

Who’s awake in class.

The one the kids call

perfect

With curled lips

And side-glanced giggles

Because everyone knows

That if you aren’t good for a laugh or looks,

Then you aren’t worth dirt in the school yard.

And I’m the girl

Who has lived a thousand lives

In a thousand different places and times

Because I can lose myself in literature

Because I love to know that I’m not the only one who feels

alone

lost

or troubled.

Not the only one

who longs

for a love

that goes beyond

a piece of paper

or a ring.

And I’m the girl

Who finds comfort

In a melody

Of any sort

Not for the catchy tune

Or the pretty boy band

No

I like to listen

Not to hear

Listen to the raging thoughts,

The powerful feelings

Spoken like poetry

With a message

Just beneath the rhymes

Because ultimately

In the dead of night

When the screaming starts

Or the thumping

drums

against the floor

and the walls,

Distraction

becomes the only option

To halt the bank of tears

And cool the boiling blooding

If only for a short time

Before mother dearest can burst in

And hold me tight

As she whispers her own melody

Echoing through

the silence of the night

I just can’t do this anymore

Over

And over

And over

And I’m the girl

who would never

Ever

try to hurt you.

Because I’d been raised

In a domestic battlefield

Where all of my happiest moments

Were often punctured

by the ugly loaded words

that spilled like a faucet

out of the drunken beast

Who often overpowered

My lowly father

And I know

Only too well

That when liquor’s seductive lips

Touch the mind of a susceptible man

She will hold him tight

And whisper her thoughts of power

and malice

And he

Being a simple man

Will become slave to her demonic

Willpower

And nothing will change the minds of the demons in his head

And his heart

Not even the one

he claims

to love

Because everyone knows

That the fragile marriage vow

Is the very easiest

To break

And still

I am the girl

The shy girl at the party

The one you glanced across the room

The one you talked to the whole night

I’m sorry

I didn’t answer

your questions

You see

I don’t have a choice of music

Which I like above the rest,

And I thought boys like you don’t go

For girls who value books and tests

I hated that look

You know, the one you gave me?

When I refused to drink

And you assumed

I didn’t trust you

But you didn’t know

of course you didn’t

Of all the reasons

going through my mind

I’m so sorry

That I cant explain myself

With words

The way I can

On paper

I’m sorry

That you left

Looking so hurt

Because if I never am to see you again

Please remember me

As the girl

Who would try her hardest

to love you

If only

I had the courage

To tell you.

.

.

.

I’m sorry.

”



- Anonymous

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