after my break up of a 3 years relatnsp,I still havent had a stable relationship. I'm a female & I often find myself dating narcissists. I'm highly educated,my appearance is ok,I'm a bit curvy one. I don't know what I'm doing wrong & I always end up hurted. I don't know what's wrong with me. My appearance,my character,my mind,i still dont know what the heck attracts shitty people to my life.

in 7th grade my best friend rodney would invite me to bbqs. i always accepted his invites because i was a huge fan of soul food & good music/people/energy. i remember seeing really, really thick & curvy women there. these women would always bring empty tupperware containers in their purses (to take food home). that used to trip me out, but you know what tripped me out even more? these curvy/think/big women were always with buff/ripped or skinny guys (the men they were with were hotter than the men the skinny women were with). always. i used to wonder how these women were able to pull these men. but after awhile of getting to know them… i finally understood why/how. these women saw themselves as bold/beautiful/brilliant; they spoke their fucking mind out; they had the self-confidence of a lion(ess); they didn’t give a fuck; they had a very dominant personality; they didn’t put out desperate energy; they were honest/fun/funny/passionate; and they just knew how to have a good fucking time. i knew a strong woman when i saw one… because of my mother… and these women were strong as fuck (spiritually/emotionally/physically/mentally). i soon came to respect/admire them because they shed light on areas i needed to work on… i’ve seen this throughout my life - that women who were 5’s or less (1-10 scale) but possessed self-confidence, usually got what they wanted/deserved/expected. many of my friends/exes were raped when they were younger or in college. that shit really fucked them up; they felt tainted/ugly/marked/disgusting; it screwed up their self-esteem/image/confidence. if they asked me for advice, i’d always recommend that they sign up for boxing or self-defense classes so that shit never happens again. most of them took my advice & signed up. after a few classes/sessions you could see something inside of them was changing - like they were transmuting the pain/insecurities/fear/negative experiences into power/self-confidence/love/respect. they would tell me that every time they punched a bag or learned a new move… that it was like a metaphor for being able to defend themselves against whatever life threw at them. it was like they could finally fight back against the shadows of their former selves… and win. it was like they could finally muster up the courage to say ’fuck you for trying to fuck to up my life! i’m in charge now bitch! don’t fuck with me anymore! i’m charging forward like a bull motherfucker!’ some guru once said, “the past does not equal the future” i happen to agree. i’ll tell you this… maybe there’s nothing wrong with you. maybe you’re fine just the way you are… maybe it’s your environment & strategies. have you ever tried to catch king salmon with hotdogs? doesn’t work. have you ever tried to catch catfish in the ocean? you can’t - b/c they don’t live there. have you ever looked for bigfoot in the desert? good luck with that darling. do you see where i’m going with this? there are a lot of good/great men out there. unfortunately, most of them are shy. when you understand this, then you’ll start asking yourself better questions. like what can i do to land a nice/sweet guy? where can i find them? where do they eat at? what are they into? should i put an ad in the newspaper? maybe i need a fucking vacation (always a great idea). i would look to women like oprah, ellen degeneres & j.k. rowling as role models. fuck the fashion magazines. that shit is fake. you want ‘real’ women doing big things. you know oprah used to be really, really fat & then she became skinny and now… well… she’s fucking perfect. she used to stress over her body all the time but then she said fuck it i’m changing the fucking world; i’m beautiful b/c i’m changing lives! fuck what they think! my value comes from making people feel beautiful about themselves! i love you oprah. will you marry me? you know… she could pull anyone and i mean fucking anyone… not b/c she’s a billionaire - but b/c she’s a goddess. and most men nowadays worship goddesses. so focus on yourself. try to figure what you have to offer the world. women who are trying to make a difference are very attractive. tap into the source within. here’s what happens when you become a goddess my dear… weak men will either shrink in fear or they will worship you and strong men will rise up and rule the kingdom with you. you’re a goddess, start acting like one. ~rob tew
p.s. repeat after me: “i’m a fucking goddess goddamnit!”

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