do you trust him? yes or no? b/c if you trust him then there’s no need to worry…… right? wrong. here’s why… just like how a home offers you physical protection against the elements… your monogamous relationship offers you emotional protection/nourishment. you obviously value your relationship or else you wouldn’t be jealous. am i right? ok. here’s the thing: anything you value, you’re gonna wanna protect. that’s a fact. i know everyone & their mamma will tell you “girl, you’re just insecure! chill the fuck out! breathe. love yourself. he ain’t gonna leave you so don’t worry. take this crystal & work on your insecurity issues! do affirmations. let me show you this yoga pose that will open up your throat chakra so you can get rid of that negative energy! it’ll help you detox that shit!” they’ll tell you something like that… i’ve been around enough girls (mostly vegans/vegetarians) & have heard that conversation a million times. and that shit never works. let me share with you my experience with jealous women & provide you with some tips at the end… so back when i was working at the gay bars, i was in open relationships. if my partner was at the bar making out with some guy or whatever i wouldn’t care. and she wouldn’t care if i was making out with a girl or doing our thing in the women’s bathroom (with my greased security friend standing in front of the door). we weren’t committed to a long-term relationship so we didn’t give a fuck who we were kissing or hooking up with. but when i got into monogamous relationships… girls would get really jealous b/c i have a tendency of talking to everyone. things like that would get their blood boiling. after a while, i started to recognize that women who value long-lasting relationships are more likely to be jealous than women who don’t. and that’s ok. like i mentioned before… you don’t wanna lose something you value. glad we got that one out of the way. but… i’m about to dump a bucket of wet sardines on your head hun. sorry, i have to. understand, that men are hardwired to look at hot/beautiful/cute women w/ booby/butts. no joke. and most women know that. i used to work with plastic surgeons & i’d have to look at thousands of before & after photos to figure out which ones to use for our marketing collateral & websites. it was a tough job **cough**…… but after looking at boatloads of pics, i can tell you - the ‘post’ surgery pics really made my pupils dilate. any doctor worth his salt will tell you the same thing. you know, i have a friend who’s a famous author in his 80’s. i reached out to him b/c he attended the famous est (erhard seminars training) seminars back in the 70’s & i wanted to know what it was like. i also asked him what it was like to be 80+. and he said “i still have the mind of a 20-year-old. i’m just lazier now.” and i knew that! b/c i’ve been around enough 50/60+ year old gay men to know that they still think like young men. and he said he still appreciates a nice body. my mind was not blown away hearing that b/c i already knew. i don’t know your man, but i’ll tell you this… i’ve never met a man who hasn’t watched porno or looked at pics of other women, ever. does that mean they don’t exist? of course not. i’ve just never met any. but the men i know/met - they look at that stuff sometimes. but does that mean they’re bad or that they’re gonna cheat on you? nope. i have guys friends that are married that watch porno sometimes (they don’t tell their wife) & they’re faithful to them. more faithful than those hardcore christian men flying out to vegas & getting hookers (seen plenty of those). i know what you’re thinking, ‘but wait a minute rob! you’re telling me they’re not cheating when they’re watching porno & scoping pics of other women??? that’s a bunch of baloney! they are cheating b/c they’re cheating in their mind!’ ok doll, hold your horses… let me tell you something, i used to visit the older casinos out in vegas just to hang out with old people at the penny slot machines (i like talking to people about life). i’d see older couples (50s-90s) and they’d come in & chill at the slot machines. you’d think an old faithful married man wouldn’t be scoping out younger women b/c you know… he respects his wife & his vision sucks. wrong! 9 out of 10 men would look… hard! and i know when a man is lusting over another woman b/c i used to be that woman when i worked at the bars. customers (male/female) would look at me/twin bro & i knew they were thinking something dirty. so i know that look better than anyone. so what now rob? look: you just gotta trust that he won’t do you wrong. i wouldn’t look too far into the future. instead, i would focus on enjoying each day/night with him. you have to remember that he chose you. that means there’s something about you that’s special. you just don’t see it b/c how can you? you’re in the frame, you’re the painting looking out & he’s looking at the you. does that make sense? you’re probably smart, cute, funny, witty & creative. you don’t need to be hot. trust me when i tell you this: i’ve been around a lot of hot girls (wait until i start posting some of my wild pics) & they’re insecure too. they get jealous too. doesn’t matter if you’re hot, ugly, cute or whatever… women don’t wanna lose what they value. here’s something i used to tell my friends who were really insecure “it’s not the glitter, it’s not the bling, it’s not the outfit, or anything, it’s your attitude, you’re the shit, so act like it, bitch!” (and you quote me on that) and they’d walk around saying to themselves ‘i’m the shit, i’m the shit! rob knows i’m the shit!’ and you see their confidence level skyrocket… if i were in your shoes sweetie, i’d say something like ‘i trust him. i trust him. i trust him. he chose me. i chose him. we chose each other. we trust each other.’ and keep reminding yourself that. also, try putting a thick rubber band on your left wrist. anytime you find yourself getting jealous, snap that darn rubber band & the pain will remind you to repeat that. don’t hate yourself. it’s not about getting rid of jealousy b/c it’s you, it’s a part of you. if you hate the jealousy inside of you then you’re hating yourself. does that makes sense? do. not. hate. yourself. instead, recognize that jealousy is a part of you & you’ll be able to turn the volume down when it starts screaming in your mind. and repeat ‘i trust him. i trust him. i trust him. he chose me. i chose him. we chose each other.’ don’t hate yourself. trust your man. you chose him. he chose you. you’re beautiful & special & cool & cute & nice & confident & funny & creative & interesting & loving… and he knows all that. trust him. peace. ~rob
p.s. change ain’t easy my dear. you’re gonna struggle w/ trying to break down the walls/defenses that are protecting those bad habits/insecurities of yours. work hard at it & don’t give up! change is around the corner.
pps. it’s not the glitter, it’s not the bling, it’s not the outfit, or anything, it’s your attitude, you’re the shit, so act like it, bitch! -rob
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