We're not happy. We fell in love and everything was amazing, but now that initial magic is fading, and we're just "in love." Everyone's always told me that was harder, and I don't know how to do it. We both want forever and we want to be happy, but we fight over everything. All small, unimportant things. He's developed chronic pain over this past year and that makes everything worse. We're tired of running and we're lost, but we don't want to give up. Is there hope for us? What can we do?

i have some friends that went through something similar (their boyfriends suffered from depression/anxiety/mental shit). unfortunately, their relationships didn’t have a happy ending… so i won’t be sharing their stories with you (since you guys really want to make it work). instead, i’ll share some techniques/strategies that i believe will help you. are you ready for them? yes. ok, onward… t1# anytime you guys fight/argue, i want one (or both) of you to say “chocolate bananas! frozen chicken butts!” the first thing that will happen is the both of you will start laughing. this is important b/c it will interrupt the pattern immediately & stop the record from playing. you see, most couples that fight a lot eventually make it a habit; they actually get addicted to the adrenaline rush they get from fighting/arguing. i’ve seen this a million times - especially at bars. so you need to defuse the situation before it blows up. and the best way to do that is to have some random funny words stashed in your batman utility belt. remember, it must be funny - that way you both get a dopamine release when you stop & that reinforces that behavior (makes change easier). the next thing you want to do is ask each other this question: “why are we fighting/arguing?” you cannot respond with “i don’t know.” you must figure out what sparked it & address it immediately. ask each other this “what can we do to prevent/resolve this?” i would always have a pen handy to take notes. again, the dopamine release is very important b/c who wants to fix something when they’re angry? you got it? good! t2# fuck forever! do you remember when your english teacher would give you 3 weeks to write a paper? and do you remember how you waited until the last minute to actually write the paper? well the same thing happens with couples who adopt the “forever” mindset. there’s no sense of urgency to change and they kinda get lazy after a while and shit gets stale, fast. there’s no life, no fire, no passion. fuck you forever! instead, i want you to replace it with this: “today is our last day together.” i will tell you this… if your partner knew it was gonna be your last day together then he would do everything in his power to make it the most beautiful day ever. so when you wake up, you guys look at each other in bed & say “babe, today’s our last day. let’s go conquer the world together. you and i.” i guarantee you that no couple would fight on their last day together. and if they did… that shit was never meant to be. period. so take it one day at a time. make each day the best day ever. i promise you that after stringing together a bunch of awesome/amazing/supercalifragilisticexpialidocious (lol) days… then that shit gets easier and it becomes a habit and every day becomes an adventure for the both of you. i believe with every cell in my body that every relationship (and i mean every) should be fun. it doesn’t matter how old you are. i have a good friend in her 60’s who treats everyday like it’s her last & she’s having a blast. we saw a cover band (boomers) the other day & i got her drunk off cock sucker shots (baileys/butterscotch schnapps) & we danced our asses off to 70’s/80’s music. that’s how life should be. are you still with me? great - next! t3# you both need to get healthy. seriously. get fucking healthy. i believe diet is the most important thing for mental health (second being magic mushr00ms - but we can’t got there, not yet). he has chronic pain, that tells me one thing - that whatever he’s putting in his body or is being exposed to is causing inflammation in his body. now before i continue… you need to understand i’m not a doctor so my advice shouldn’t substituted for medical advice? if you agree, then continue reading… the first thing he needs to do is order a food allergy test kit or he can go to his doctor & have them draw his blood & send it in to get tested. i used to be a raw vegan many years ago. i did for 3+ years to detox all the junk i used to eat as a kid. when i first started i used to eat a ton of raw almonds. but i’d get brain fog & headaches after eating them. i thought something was wrong with me so i went to my doctor & he ran some blood tests on me. we found out that i was highly allergic to milk, almond, cheese, wheat & other tree nuts. that blood test saved my life. b/c after i stopped the almonds… my mind/body/soul were happy. i would research the lectin avoidance diet. that could definitely help him b/c lectins are plant toxins (highly concentrated in wheat/soy/brown rice/beans) that cause leaky gut. and a leaky gut is the #1 reason why many suffer from depression, anxiety, anger and chronic pain/fatigue. again, get the blood tests and start cutting out foods rich in lectins and definitely cut out sugar. you both should walk for 20 minutes in the morning. gets some fresh air & enjoy each others company without distractions. i believe long walks will help to strengthen your bond. get healthy. get healthy. get healthy. and if after all this……… you guys are still butting heads. then i’d seek counseling or just cut your losses and move on. you’re probably young. if that’s the case then your primary focus should be on your career and having fun. you’re not gonna be young forever so you should enjoy those years of your life. also, there’s gonna be a lot of competition in the future (less jobs). you wanna make sure you have the skill sets to land a job. there’s nothing worse then being in a miserable relationship and being broke at the same time. hope that helps. ~rob p.s. look into mold & smart meters. those things could be fucking him up big time. if that’s the case, then he should move.

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