Snape goes up to the counter and orders the same thing he’s ordered every day from Starbucks for over a decade. “After all this time?” asks the barista. “Always,” he replies.
Umbridge likes the red holiday cups, but wonders if they come in pink.
Gilderoy Lockhart insists that he is a naturally gifted barista. He starts a small fire behind the counter.
Professor Sprout orders a herbal tea. It’s so hot that it emits a high-pitched whistling. Several patrons of the Starbucks keel over.
Professor Sinistra orders a dark roast, but the baristas forget to make it.
Minerva McGonagall usually orders a grande non-fat latte, no whip, half-caf every morning at precisely 7:40AM, but it’s game day, so she gets a red velvet frappucino with caramel bits on top to match her red and gold outfit, complete with face paint. She’s grown attached to the trophy in her office and isn’t keen on giving it up to Professor Snape.
Firenze goes into the Starbucks, and the centaurs will never let him back out.
Professor Quirrell orders a caramel brulee latte and a dark roast. “Two coffees just for you, sir?” asks the barista. “I… I’m addicted to caffeine,” Quirrell responds nervously while simultaneously coughing, somehow.
Professor Trelawney orders hot tea for everyone in the Starbucks, then proceeds to read everyone’s leaves. Unsurprisingly, 100% of the patrons are doomed to die within the fortnight. She puts the drinks on Dumbledore’s tab.
Dumbledore orders the phoenix latte. The baristas follow his instructions carefully, only to have it explode upon completion. They can’t believe they trusted him for so long only to have this be the end goal after all.
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